The Fifteenth Post

I slept very fitfully. I know they're really upset now. I heard people outside my room, but I didn't dare to look to see who it was. I checked out my hotel window, and thought I saw someone once, but I could be wrong. I'm probably jumping at shadows at this point.

All the same, I'm out of the room hiding out at the newer library at 91st & Memorial. As always, I'm not too concerned popping off my location since I tend to post right before I leave, and it gives me some measure of enjoyment to think they might run right over to try and nab me. Who knows? Maybe I'll sit somewhere close and watch as they raid the place. Ha!

This library (by name) used to be right behind Woodland Hills, but they moved it all over here for some reason. I've always wondered why. It's kind of hidden now. Anyway...

A couple just walked by me, and I remember Tara. No matter what our relationship was, I will always miss her. I wish things had turned out differently.

The day went as it usually does. I left in the morning to go to work without ever seeing her. I tried to check on her, but she didn't respond to my knocking. All day at work, I thought about her. Not a line of code went by that I didn't want to rush home and see if she was ok. She was supremely depressed and wouldn't tell me why. I considered talking about this to my co-workers, but I doubted any of them would begin to understand or even believe what I was going through. I also couldn't get far without revealing The Mist, and if I ever hoped to get through to Tara, I had to keep that to myself.

I left a little early in order to see if she was up and around. When I walked in, she was sitting on the couch. She stood up and smiled at me. She was very thin. Her face looked hollow. She walked up to me and gently put her arms around me. As I held her, I could feel how thin she'd gotten. I wanted to hold her tightly, but I was afraid I might break her, so I was very gentle with her.

"Can I at least take you to dinner," I asked her. She smiled and shook her head. She wiped a tear from her eye.

"I'm not hungry," she said.

"Not hungry?" I was trying to maintain my temper, not with her resistance, but because she was wasting away, and not helping me help her. "Look at you," I said, "there's almost nothing left."

"I know," she replied, "But you have to understand that I've done something terrible, and I can't live with that."

Then it hit me what she was doing. This was not happening.

"If you don't eat something with me, I'm taking you into the emergency room, and they'll make sure you have some kind of sustenance," I told her. I don't believe I've ever been so resolute with anyone.

She looked at me a long moment. Finally, she nodded. "All right, fine," she said. "If you insist, I'll eat something."

She wasn't interested in going out, so we ordered pizza (ironically from the place I would work for two days a few months later). She did eat. I ordered two mediums and she ate a full one by herself. This made me very happy.

I should have taken her in anyway. After we ate, she asked if I would go to sleep with her. Not "sleep with her," mind you, but share unconsciousness in the same bed. It was a start. so I was happy to oblidge. As we lay down that evening, she placed her frail head on my chest. I could feel her tears dampen my shirt.

Before we went to sleep, she leaned up and whispered softly to me, "I love you."

I smiled at her in the dark. "I love you, too," I replied.

She laid back down, and I fell asleep. My dreams that night were ripe with impossible imagery of anger, frustration, and sorrow. I saw blood everywhere and on everything. I saw the only family I ever had torn apart by some unspeakable creature. I saw Tara crucified (literally, as in Jesus). I saw her look at me and ask for forgiveness. She cried out to God, like Jesus did, saying "My God why have you forsaken me?"

My eyes snapped open and I was dripping with sweat. I looked around. Tara was next to me. I leaned up next to her and looked at her. I knew in an instant.

She was dead. Sitting on the nightstand next to the bed was a charm...of a Rubik's cube.